we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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