remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Randomize
