ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
