I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
