Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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