There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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