The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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