you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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