Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
