I just made out with a guy for $7.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
