I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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