My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
