OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
