Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
