It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
