Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How's work?
Spinning.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My dick has a subreddit
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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