I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
