Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
