He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You're my little dorito
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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