therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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