Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
