lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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