Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
