In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
