Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
