Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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