you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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