I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
