there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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