Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
