He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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