Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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