You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
