I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
