never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
