Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
