it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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