I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
