Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
