I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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