I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
