I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
