I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
