Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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