May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
