I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
