I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
