oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
