If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
