he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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