I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
