wrigley field is MILF paradise
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
