Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
