i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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