dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
